“Without hope, without witness, without reward.”

– Dr. Who



It contain my second email to 99designs after my account get suspended for not-make any sense reason:


Guys, first of all, I’m disappointed, really. I’ve been here since 2013 but I wasn’t submitting for years and I just about to begin. And as you can see, I just submit only to 2 contests in THIS YEAR. I have to admit that the first one is almost only a try of luck (I can’t give you the link since you suspend me) but the second I do it whole heartedly and as you can see only if you’re not blind and stupid enough, the contest holder give me 4 star for 4 designs on mine and look at the fact that there is a lot submission which not having a rating at all. Can’t you see the comparison?

And secondly, between the first and the second, actually I check some other brief contest and try my best, but the final result is not what I had imagined, so I wouldn’t bother to submit. So I know my capacity whether my submission is good enough or not.

And an addition, I bet you won’t even see my email until the contest that I actually might won ended and thanks to you I become miserable now. Thanks for nothing

It’s 1:59 am, but I can’t sleep, cliché. Maybe I am bothered of the fact that a lamp in front of my room suddenly went off or a fap it gives us tiredness only a myth. One thing for sure, my mind is going to many different places but mostly in the past. I think I’m past person, I can’t simply move on, am I exaggerate it or just a sensitive type or just a normal person who wants to get noticed my own existence by the others, like somebody said once said right in my face.

Ya da ya da ya .. Actually, at first, I was expecting my self to write down what on my thought instead write a non-sense on first paragraph and I still end up bragging in second one, so just give me a gun, and I’ll blow my head off. Bye

The Most Non-Sense Activity: Eat

What’s the goddamn point of eating if in the end, we’ll still feel hungry again? And don’t dare to mention  that if we don’t eat, we’ll be powerless. It’s just cliché! We are all bullied by God! We are enslaved by its so called power high above and turns out it hides in our deepest hole in our butt. Oh wait, are they exist? Or sexist? Anyway, I’m so tired of eating and sorry to you, God, I’ll text you later. We have a date remember? 
Fuck pizza! Fuck hamburger! Fuck you grass eating stupid vegans! And fuck you mother earth who has too many mom which I can’t deal with them one by one and makes my head dizzy!  
The point is nothing and it’s really cut down expanses if we are all stop eating! And can you imagine how the world will be if nobody eats? Empty! Exactly! Let’s burn the earth down to the Sun! 


What do you think about a scar in a tip toe? Is it cool to have one? anyway, I got it from accident. It was a rain, to be exact, meteor rain. There is this small crazy small fracture came across and hit my tip toe. then I was hozpitalized for a year. I had my tip toe amputated for separated medication, so then I hurt a little for the best treatment and I was diagnozed parkinson too, but as I recall, I always won in every duel but funny, they are all look-alike, and what’s really funnier is that they look just like me. 
During my staying in hospital. I got my self a daily dose of caffeine in a cup of coffee, a small sized cigarettes pack about 5 cm long, no-food or foot, and daily in and out routine with some nurse. They were amazing until they taste so good. 
And now I move out. I’m staying in motel, with double sized bed and reddish cover bed even I wasn’t realyy sure if it’s really red, but it’s rad. Everytime I see the fan on ceiling and focus on how they turn around and around, everything become blue and I can see the moon past through it. And on some other time, I was taken away, high above, and I able to touch the sky, it so soft and cold, dead cold. And some other time I could grab the moon, funny, turns out the moon is so small, about as big as my hand. And the other time, they took me to sail a boat in a bottle of gin, and the nurse drink me up. 

Open Letter to Apple: Thanks for Wasted My Life

Actually, I don’t know why I’m starting to write down my feeling except because maybe I can’t take it anymore and people don’t really understand me or I get enough of “you need to be more grateful or be a little more patient” and I couldn’t find a way to complaint to apple.
It’s a story of my life, briefly, between 2011 and 2016, wasted away.
Back in 2011, it was the happiest time since for so song. I bought a brand new Macbook. I was really aware of what I need at the time. I needed a machine that work perfectly well in designing and lack of viruses attack. On the other hand, I still feel my anger because my late pc really slow that I wanted to save psd file to jpeg, it could take about 2 hours and at worst case, it would popped out a dialog box says “photoshop.exe not responding” so we both know the comparison between my late pc and my macbook. It’s so far away and one more time, I feel really grateful of that
I spent a lot of time discovering my interest in designing and painting later on. Work my ass of to figure out anything relate to them. And as you can see, in other words, I wasn’t only being grateful, but I do something in return. Pro quid pro
In late 2012, I became an art student, majoring in painting. That’s another happiest part of my life. I met a great number of excellent people, heard a lot of different-interesting opinions and of course, I finally found where I really belong. But it’s not the end of the journey.
While I studied, I had to devide my time in a day into two. Study and work part time. I did freelance design part time, I was having a small clothing line here and there with my friends. We weren’t get much from what I did, but it was enough to keep my study going, at least for a semester. Because at the end of the semester, my macbook started to collapse. 
Ah you know what happened after you finished a semester, right? Yes, holiday, I decided to get back home, met my old pals and talked about how we will continue our business and stuff. And gained some money to repair my macbook. It was pretty tough time as I recall. 
There is a funny story when I was checking what’s wrong with my macbook. In long story short, there are 2 place I visit to repair my macbook. The first one is so expensive and really underground and the other one is reasonable and official store. Don’t be a fool, you know which one was I going to choose, right? So in the end, I spent about 250$ instead of 700$.
Because of the repairment of what I need as a weapon to deal with real world I sacrifice a semester of my college. I skipped it. I can’t afford to pay the semester. So I was in home, worked my ass of, collected some money to back to college in next semester. Sounded like a real plan at the moment.
The next semester I’ve been waited finally came, Yeah, I felt glad. Back to real life, that’s what I thought, and of course, work and study. That’s two I believe would lead me to succes.
I’m a big fan of movies, really, I watched a lot of movies from 1900 to the latest ones. But as I recall, that day when the disaster take place, I had no chance to watch a movie and just worked, worked,worked I was super worked. And finally, after all of my work done, I felt like I need to refresh my brain and did a bit of rewatch some title of my favourite movie.
At the middle of rewatch, my macbook suddenly shut down it self. Gone. Pitch black. I tried to turn it on, but it didn’t give any respon but came to logo apple and then I could wait for it for a day and nothing was gonna changed. Still stuck. It was another down story
Okay, I was so sad at that point. So I finished my works but I haven’t sent them. So in other words, I blew it all. No income nothing. With empty handed, I drove with a friend to the nearest repairment. 
The result came days after I left my macbook and it was pretty surprising amount of money to just get done my macbook and I surprised too why my macbook collapsed again after only 6 months of repairment. I couldn’t afford to repair it. So I left my macbook there, in repairment store and get back to my hometown. By the time my macbook collapsed in second time, my life collapsed too. Tell me, how could I survive my study while the most easy way to keep up monetery was design freelencing? Yeah, I could work as a waitress, part time, but I would a little time to study and got a little pay off. So it was out of option
In a way of got back to my hometown, I felt really depressed. What did I do to deserve this? I might do a little bad things, but really, did I deserve this? That’s the question I asked when I was in a way back to home. 
A minute changed to day, day changed to months, and it was 2013. I finally managed to adapt to my current position. I still did some freelance job as designer but I had to lend a computer to my friend, my cousin, and many more. Really back to the old way, nomaden. 
Oh yeah, I forgot that I still had a macbook in repairment and the notice come down. It asked wheter I was going to repair it or not and if I didn’t, please took it. So I took it in condition still collapsed while my life starting to get better.
Let’s cut the story short, once again, so now it was 2016. And my macbook remained in collapse condition. But I got a handfull of money to gave my self a bit of confidence to repair my macbook. So I decide to get it done. Turned out, there is an apple program to freely change some parts that effect macbook to failed. I was really glad even I knew actually it a bit sad. I mean, I wasted 3 years without my macbook, I could have gained a lot experiences with it. But I didn’t give a damn and start a lot of plan ahead.
Today, it’s been a month since I repaired my macbook. And you know what? It started to annoyed me again. It started with my macbook suddenly shut down by itself and now it came to the point where it keeps restarting by it self.
I mean, seriously? Should I wasted some years one more time? Can I get something else than this non-sense? I have a long way to go and I had sacrifice a lot of thing because of this. Shall I experience those thing ever again? What about lets trade my broken macbook with a gun and a shell?!